Home About Blog Services Contact Members Login FREE 30-Minute Grief Chat Login

I Will Not Fear

Sep 09, 2020


I dreaded walking into my house. It was quiet. Devoid of the sight, sounds and smells of my new husband! The house that I so lovingly worked to create a space for the merging of our two lives, was now hopelessly silent… still… lifeless…. Except for me, and I felt extremely small and afraid.  HELP ME LORD TO MOVE FROM HERE – my heart pleaded.  Then, out of the depths of my spirit, poured: “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…” My mind raced on to – “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for He is with me … His rod and His staff they comfort me.”   And on to…  “A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish.”  I pulled into the garage as I continued to recite the well known and loved scriptures.  Gathering myself and my stuff, I opened the door.  The lamp in the foyer warmly greeted me and the edges of fear began to crumble away – like old dried paper, and I whispered, “Thank you God for a roof to cover my head. But, most of all THANK YOU GOD FOR EASING MY FEAR!”

There is a solemn finality to resuming life after the loss of a husband.  The loss of Ruben, my second husband, who is now deceased, was very difficult. However, Wayne’s departure from our lives together is different- more difficult… I don’t have the words to explain… yet.


But, what was powerfully evident to me was that- I had to identify my fear and lay it on the altar once and for all.  “What, are you afraid of?”  I asked myself. I sat in the living room and gazed out of the skylight… and waited for the answer. 

My mind drifted back to my divorce from the father of my three children.  After 21 years of marriage, the loss of family nearly killed me.  I tumbled through years of wishing everything could have been different. I wished that we could have experienced a peaceful, loving marriage. However, we did not.

  I longed for a family- people around me filling in the spaces again. Then in a “sudden glory” - as  Sharon Jaynes calls it- came this thought. I have spent the last 30 years trying to create and construct a godly Christ-centered marriage!  With the sudden glory came a hard shower of tears. As the tears ebbed, a soft warm blanket of comfort enveloped me. And I heard Him say, “Child of mine, your fear is of being alone! But, you are not alone. I AM right here. I love you and there is no fear in love.”  

That’s it! The knowledge of the revelation filled me and warmed the cool embers of the loneliness that I had manifested into fear… the fear of being alone!
The loneliness was like a dark shroud that covered the “son-light” of my heart. Even though,

I was taking one -step at a time with Jesus, those steps were covered in fear once I entered the door to my home. I remembered the day Ruben and I took possession of the house.  We called it “our blessing!” And, without realizing, I had allowed Satan to creep in and steal my blessing!

 I immediately stood to my feet and spoke out loud! GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN! And, for good measure gave him a swift kick in the seat of his pants!  Devil be gone!!

The butterfly was beginning to emerge from her cocoon!  Fear had been banished allowing me to rest, sleep, and continue to heal.

 Thank you Jesus, that you are just a breath away. I call and you answer!

 

 

 

Close

50% Complete

Two Step

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.