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Do You Know?

Nov 09, 2020

DID YOU KNOW?
I listened intently to the message my Pastor spoke- that ties to something I have grown to know and embrace.  And I quote: “The circumstances that you find yourself in are the very circumstances that will propel you to God and the direction He has for you.”
 My take is not as eloquent but still hits home. “God will do whatever He has to, to get you where He needs you to be- to work out His plan, and purposes for your life.” In short, you did not get here by mistake or error. Your life matters and God wants you to know that!

The fact of the matter is, the sooner we realize our lives are not our own to do with what we darn well please, the sooner life begins to make some sense.  Our simple surrender invites Him in; to move and shape us into His “original creation,” to what He had in mind when He created us!

I can hear what you are thinking. “Hold on Missy, are you telling me that God set me on this road of death,...

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Yet, HOLDING ON…

Oct 09, 2020


I don’t understand- but I know God is sovereign- became my “light in the darkness.” 
“One moment at a time with Jesus” became my strength when I felt weakened by the overwhelming feelings of loss and loneliness!


The death of two of Wayne’s co-workers prompted us to have some hard discussions a few months before Wayne died.
“Do you want to be cremated or buried? “ I asked.  
“I don’t really care,” he said.
“Oh, honey, you must have a preference,” I said.  
“No,” he said. “You make the decision.”
 Now, I’m mulling the conversation over in my head.

I was raised in a family where burial was what we did, so I never understood why my mom wanted to be cremated. “A hot fiery furnace, Mom, really?” But, that’s what she wanted and that’s what we did. Her service was a true celebration of her life. We had pictures of her and flowers- but...

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I Will Not Fear

Sep 09, 2020


I dreaded walking into my house. It was quiet. Devoid of the sight, sounds and smells of my new husband! The house that I so lovingly worked to create a space for the merging of our two lives, was now hopelessly silent… still… lifeless…. Except for me, and I felt extremely small and afraid.  HELP ME LORD TO MOVE FROM HERE – my heart pleaded.  Then, out of the depths of my spirit, poured: “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…” My mind raced on to – “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for He is with me … His rod and His staff they comfort me.”   And on to…  “A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish.”  I pulled into the garage as I continued to recite the well known and loved scriptures.  Gathering myself and my stuff, I opened the door.  The lamp in the foyer warmly...

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Hustle and Flow

Aug 12, 2020

It was one of those rare, beautiful winter days. I had just come through the second anniversary of my marriage to Wayne, Valentine’s Day was right behind that. And it was ever so nice to be out in the sunshine! The sky was a gorgeous azure blue, and, if the trees were not bare and without any little buds, one might think it was Spring.

I was driving on I- 66, now under a much-needed reconstruction of exits (let me add- it’s a hot mess), that lane demarcations change suddenly and without warning! Just then, a car shot past me so fast – that my vehicle swayed with its passing! He was weaving in and out of traffic and moving too fast for the volume and flow of traffic. He was either late or he was just in a hurry! I slowed my speed (I’m always going a little too fast) in anticipation of “the flash” causing an accident ahead. My thoughts drifted to the hustle and bustle world we live in and how to affect the lives of those I love and who are in my...

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Slivers of Peace, Sprinkles of Love

Jul 09, 2020

Slivers of Peace, Sprinkles of Love

 

And Jesus said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

As I read those words, my mind sped back to the vision I had after Wayne succumbed to his heart arrhythmia in the restaurant. Upon arriving at the ER, the physician had said, “He’s having seizures and It doesn’t look good!”  Later, in the Intensive Care Unit, I watched Wayne. The seizures were mild and I closed my eyes to pray. I saw Jesus and Wayne walking around a lake. Jesus’s robe rustled softly in the breeze as they walked and talked. Wayne was pouring out his life’s story and shuddered as he spoke with the Lord. Hence, seizures.

I believed and held on to the fact that he was going to be fine. However, the illusion was a manifestation of denial. Denial, that...

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Unexpected

Jun 09, 2020

UNEXPECTED!

The sleek train of my emotions pulled almost silently into, what I thought, was the next station along the line of my journey through grief … for just the other day God had whispered… “grief is not a permanent destination, it is a station of life to move through!”
So, on August 1, (the anniversary of the day before Wayne was admitted to the hospital), the tears came in constant waves. Therefore, when August 6 arrived (the day we removed him from the breathing machine), I thought, “I don’t feel teary-looks like this will be easier than I thought!”
Then, just like a train idles, as it waits for the signal to move ahead, the physical symptoms settled in and released…h-s-s-s-s… nausea, light-headiness, dizziness. Not enough to keep me from moving, but enough to s-l-o-w me down and they c-h-u-g-g-e-d forward…without speed… for over a week!
I moved into a paraphrased prayer from...

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Darling You Left Without...

May 09, 2020

I am a firm believer that hugs and kisses must be exchanged before heading out the door.  Why? Because our next breath is not promised! Having said that, I thought all bases were covered. However, I was wrong. We kissed and hugged that morning before heading off to our occupations. We met at home, embraced and headed off to dinner with Deonte, his grandson. Now, seven months on the other side of Wayne’s life.  I realized that amidst the quickness in which he took his last unassisted breath – he was not able to say goodbye! That fact smacked me in the face! And I was totally unaware and unprepared for the fresh new flow of tears while watching “60 Minutes.” They were covering a story regarding a prison in Africa where all of the inmates were singing. One of the guards, whose wife had died unexpectedly, wrote and sang a song entitled, “You Left Without Saying Goodbye.”

Too often, what-ifs began to pop into my head, and, if I allowed them...

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Levels of Acceptance

Apr 09, 2020

LEVELS OF ACCEPTANCE

Your own ears will hear him.

Right behind you, a voice will say,

“This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.“  

Isaiah 30:21 NLT

                                

In the wee hours of the morning, I was awakened by a soft sound. I listened… straining to hear anything else out of the ordinary… I did not hear anything at all except the occasional sound of a tractor-trailer on I -66. Since I was awake, I walked to the bathroom and, out of nowhere, the vision of Wayne exploded before my eyes… the deep purple color shooting up his neck cutting off all his oxygen.  NO! I thought I will not be able to go back to sleep! But, instead of perseverating, I took a deep breath, and then I heard, “Whatever is pure, lovely, and holy,...

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Holden And Releasing

Mar 04, 2020

Day two of seven, my annual beach trip with my old bestie.
As the sun broke from behind a cloud, I felt the fog lift and the proverbial numbness dissipate!

For absolutely, what seemed like an eternity, I had felt as if I was driving at night after a very sudden rainstorm that had cooled the atmosphere quickly, but, the residual ground heat had produced a “rolling, thick fog!” Some moments everything was clear and visibility was great, the next moment I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face, figuratively speaking.  Moving in and out of the fog of my emotions was getting on my nerves! This has been going on since June 29, 2019!

As the soft breeze on Holden Beach intensified and blew the mental haze away, I was able to relate my sentiments to the year 1971- when I was prescribed the antidepressant Stelazine after miscarrying our second baby (during my seventh month of pregnancy- her life actually ended during my fifth month of pregnancy.) I went from crying all...

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Chosen

Jan 15, 2020

I was being introduced by someone who not only knew me well but had walked with me through some painful and troubling times! My heartbeat quickened, my hands were cold, however, my knees felt strong. As I approached the microphone to speak, my voice was audible (more than a whisper, thank you, Jesus). As I reached for the microphone, I felt the Presence of the Holy Spirit! I looked around the room that was full of women -all who had come to hear how beauty resolves from ashes!

The following scripture is very clear and descriptive and has a promise within it: “To grant those who mourn in Zion. Giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning. The mantel of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So, they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” NASB Isaiah 61:3
I looked slowly around the room and identified a few pairs of eyes that looked more moist and mournful than the others. Then I said,...

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